What do you want from me?
Do you want my love?
Or do you want my friendship?
You confuse me through what you say
You say you love me, but don’t seem to care
Why don’t we just be friends?
Nothing more, Nothing less
Perhaps you still have feelings for me
But why don’t you show them?
Why must you hurt me this way?
I still love you, but I just want to know
Do you feel the same?
storyyyy of my lifeeee ,jfdkhljksg

Even though we are not together
I care about you more than ever
When we talk I feel so close to you
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do

I have almost forgotten what you did to me
I was hurting in every part of me
I was sad knowing this is how it came to be
But now I am happy that you are there for me

I don’t get what’s happening now ,

I really don’t think I’m a mean person to be losing all my closest friends

I guess , there pretty much the dumbest reasons if you would ask me .

And I didn’t do anything to these people at all. I guess I might be changing

but that is not reason to be ruining friendships is it?

I have made new friends, but people should not care who I am friends with as long

As im still friends with you.   If I count there is maybe four people who I was closer

Then ever with. And pretty much those friendships are nothinggg like before

We might still be friends but the connection is nothing ever like it used to be ,

And yess I do miss it but I have gotten over it . but every now and then I think

Of all the memories, and everyhingg , and how much I miss you , nd how I might

Of messed up .  but I cant blame myself for this stuff because honestly its not my

Fault for most of it . I just don’t know anymore . I guess I’m bettr then that, I’m better

Then them , I’m not immature I don’t get mad at people because of who their friends

Are or who they might like, I’m done with the drama . Seriously.

& even if we never talk again
as much as i want you out of my life
just know; im forever changed by you
and what you meant to me.
letter to a secret lover,


I hate the feeling of being right next to you in the halls, you’re always quiet, even when your with your friends, your looking straight down on the ground, hands in your pocket, you look up, see me, I have so many questions, racing up my throat, fighting their way out of my mouth look away, but it’s too late, my eyes spoke for themselves.

I hate pretending like nothing happened, like you didn’t break me, like it didn’t take me a whole summer to get over you, and 20 minutes to get back were I was before hate the way you said hi, that first day. I almost cried. Your fucked up you know that?

&& I know you more than you think I do, I know it all. By just looking in your eyes, you’re not a very good actor you know. I know that the worlds fucked up, and hey, I’d rather not be here either. But yet we keep on living, with so much hate built up inside.

You’ve told me so much that I pretend I didn’t hear. I thought that’s what you wanted, or maybe it’s what I wanted, a secret friend. But you don’t want that anymore. I don’t know what you want, and its frustrating, not knowing.

Ps. I still care,